The Romanian, The Finn and a Princess
Most kids hate taking lessons, I get it. Common complaints include: It’s boring, it’s hard, my teacher is stupid. As I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate lessons above anything else. Why the shift? Because I am an adult and I can now choose the lessons I want to take.
The biggest attitude shift for me can be seen with ski lessons- hated them as a kid, love them as an adult. I have come to view ski lessons as a critical pillar in enabling my career as a successful retiree. My retirement goals are lofty, but achievable with the right investment choices. For the sake of simplicity, let’s call it my 401-SKI.
A View Into My 401-SKI Retirement Portfolio:
Retirement Goal: To be a 70 year old woman with a youthful physique, who wears bespoke ski outfits (with a tasteful hint of fur) with a skiing style that assumes I speak recreational French. She is my goal.
Primary Investment Motto: Diversify my portfolio - The practice of spreading your investments around so that your exposure to any one type of asset is limited. This practice is designed to help reduce the volatility of your portfolio over time.
A Look Into My Investments: Over the years I have chosen to invest in a diverse team of experts who I am hoping will help me achieve my retirement goal.
A few of my instructors (a.k.a investments):
Ski Instructor #1
Name: Radu
Country of Origin: Romania 🇷🇴
Motto: All Technique & No Fun
About Him: Radu is a mid-40’s ex professional Romanian soccer player who moved his family to the mountains 15 years ago. He is all technique and no fun. His motto “You cannot have fun if you ski like a piece of garbage”. He boasts about the beauty of Romania, laughs at how mountains outside of Europe are embarrassing and comments on how the food we consume in North America is “not food”.
His Teaching Style: He hurls insults at you about how you do not know how to ski and refuses to take you on anything but green runs. In between runs he will likely comment on your ski gear “are your ski gloves from the 99¢ store?”, coach you on your nutrition and spend more time talking than skiing.
Key Takeaways: You are stripped of all your confidence but the next day you will ski the best you have ever skied in your life.
Ski Instructor #2
Name: Vieko (Sounds like Geiko)
Country of Origin: Finland 🇫🇮
Motto: All Fun & No Technique
About Him: Vieko is in his mid-30’s and loves to ski. He lives in a shared house with 5 other ski instructors and when asked about whether or not he has a girlfriend he enigmatically replies “I have had romances, but no love”. He buys you hot chocolate at the lounge while showing you YouTube videos of professional skiers. He will tell you about how his village in Finland is a great place to visit and only a short distance from to the North Pole. At the end of the day you are fairly convinced he is an elf.
His Teaching Style: He likes instructing but secretly wants to ski himself, so he takes you on all of the off piste runs only the locals know about. He loves bumps & will convince you by the end of the day that you do too. Although he gives you some tips in the moment, his main goal is to “play!” Fun = 100!; Technique = 0.
Key Takeaway: You will have learned very little, but will have had the most fun you have ever had on a mountain!
Ski Instructor #3
Name: Princess Stephanie 👸
Country of Origin: Canada 🇨🇦
Motto: Call me Princess
About her: EVERYONE on the mountain and in the town knows her. She is in her mid-50’s with pink hair and only answers to Princess. She cradles the line of technique and fun, but prefers to be pampered. She takes a lot of breaks and will take you to the most expensive restaurant on the mountain for lunch where she will reveal some juicy gossip about celebrities she has taught and who is sleeping with who. She will give you stock advice but then tell you about how capitalism is killing the mountain. You feel safe with her, if a mountain lion were to attack she will likely f*ck it up.
Her Style of Teaching: You are essentially her entourage on the mountain and will get preferential treatment from all. She will give you some good tips on skiing and will boost your confidence along the way, but if you dare question any of her teachings, she is not shy in letting you know who the real boss is.
Key Takeaways: Your skiing will improve a little the next day, but more impressively you are now able to point out the ski instructor who is sleeping with Chelsea Handler.
Final Thoughts: How is my investment going? Eh, no clue. Frankly, I think my skiing has gotten a little bit worse and I often struggle to remember the tips given to me. But that is O.K. because these sessions are by far the most fun lessons I have ever had in my life, made all the more thrilling because I am an adult and I can now choose the lessons I want to take.
Stay Safe & 6 ft apart,
Neda
